Friday, April 29, 2011

Crackpot Doctor Who Theories: River Song is the TARDIS.

What a theory eh?

Well, I have various reasons that back up my notion that DOCTOR WHO character River Song (who first showed up in Moffat’s series 4, David Tennant episode SILENCE IN THE LIBRARY) is actually a human manifestation of the TARDIS.

So let’s get to my crackpot theory now shall we?

Who is River Song? She shows up and meets the Tenth Doctor in SILENCE IN THE LIBRARY and not only claims to know the Doctor, but know him well…or at least a future version of him. She has a diary full of things they’ve done together and even has a sonic screwdriver that looks a lot like his. The issue is that they keep meeting in the wrong order and are basically rushing past each other in opposite directions in time and while her meeting with him in SILENCE IN THE LIBRARY is her last for her, it’s his first of many encounters going the other way. That will presumably end with him meeting a much younger version of River Song who doesn’t know him. Follow me? So even when she appears again in the eleventh Doctor’s time (FLESH & STONE and TIME OF THE ANGELS) he knows her, but still not really. She knows how to call to him from anyplace and time in the universe but he doesn’t know how she knows him so well.

So what leads me to believe that she is actually a human version of his TARDIS?

Well, it all started with hearing about the Series 6 episode that Neil Gaiman has written called THE DOCTOR’S WIFE in which the Doctor finds himself in a spaceship graveyard and the rumor is that Suranne Jones who plays a character called Idris (TARDIS sounding ain’t it?) is actually the Doctor’s wife. Who could BE the Doctor’s wife? Why his TARDIS of course! He loves his ship. Loves it. Calls it sexy at times.

So how does this lead me to River then?

Well, if there CAN be a human representation of the TARDIS (and Suranne Jones version looks to be dressed very Victorian) then why can’t that representation change and look like someone different?

To make this easier, I’d like to set out my reasons in point form for you all:

River Song = TARDIS

-River carries with her a diary. A blue one cut with the panels on the cover to look like a TARDIS.

-She knows the Doctor's true name!

-She also carries a sonic screwdriver that looks like Ten’s sonic.
-She at certain points has had Jack Harkness’ wrist-time-traveling device, an item the tenth Doctor confiscated for a time. An item specifically made by his people to police time and could not be gotten by her any other way than being in (or part of) the TARDIS.

-She also carries the Squareness Gun, another item once owned by Captain Jack Harkness and confiscated by the Ninth Doctor (in the Moffat penned episode from Series 1, THE DOCTOR DANCES) and likely then resided in the TARDIS.

-She can fly the TARDIS by herself (a feat the Doctor can’t fathom), knows where the blue stabilizers are (another thing the Doctor didn’t know about), and can land it without the brakes on (the Doctor always leaves the brakes on resulting in the telltale VWAARP VWAARP sound).

-She has been in the TARDIS during two different occasions when the TARDIS was in mortal peril, once in the loop at the end of the series 5 finale, THE BIG BANG and survived.

-When the Doctor meets her again in the Series 6 opener THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT his first words for her are “Okay, what have you got for me this time?” the very same words he spoke to the TARDIS when standing in front of it after it regenerated itself during the Series 5 opener THE ELEVENTH HOUR.

-In THE PANDORICA OPENS when River sees Amy's raggedy Doctor dolls in her house she says "I don't know why I ever let you out." Think about that statement...really think about it.

-He always refers the TARDIS as she (but all captains do that about their ships so that may be nothing)

Of course at this point this is grain of salt, huge ridiculous speculation and whatnot, but for some reason a lot of this stuff just seems to click for this theory.

There is also the other theory that River is Amy’s future daughter (Amy has preggers stomach pains in THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT and River seems to have phantom sympathy pains) and that the man she kills is Rory who would be her actual father. But that one is an even wilder speculation than my above nonsense.


Anyway, it’s just something to think about as we head into the second part of the season-opener (THE DAY OF THE MOON) tomorrow night.


  1. Fantastic theory, I'd love this to be true. I'm going to miss part two tomorrow, but will catch up on iPlayer :-)

  2. Thanks man, yeah it's just a crazy theory, but would be an excellent one to come true indeed.

  3. There needs to be a brief moratorium on death in the key DW characters. It's becoming an overused comic booky concept.

    It never takes and it cheapens the story.

  4. crazy. so crazy it might be true?

    but hmmm... only a few weeks ago I was hearing the crazy theory that Amy is the physical manifestation of the TARDIS? The Doctor is always telling his companions that he chose them because they were special or some such, but when he says it to Amy, he seems to really mean it.

    Nothing against River, I like her more than Amy, but I think she has a different relationship with The Doctor. I don't think River is the TARDIS, but even tho at times he doesn't trust her, they are going to have some kind of "I love you forever and I trust you and for reasons I can't tell you today I'm going to tell you my real name" type future (past??) together. Of course he tells her his real name, that way he'll know to trust her in the past when she knows it!

    i love this stuff!!!

  5. An interesting theory, with the exception that Amy doesn't have any of the connections to the TARDIS that she would feasibly need methinks. Also, the Doctor would never let his TARDIS marry Rory.


    Loving speculating with fans.

    @Chris, wyou love to be senator McGrumpy Grump don'tcha? LOL A little comic booky death/non-death is didn't like RTD doing too much with bleak/proper death-style death, but now Moffat gives you non-death death and you call for a moratorium. Which is it sir? :P

  6. I'm sick of death as a throwaway plot device in any medium.

    I don't think for a second anyone thought that Rory wasn't coming back when he 'died' last season.

    So his dying felt hollow and all it did was inflame speculation as to how and when he'd come back.

    And of course, the Doctor's death in 'Impossible Astronaut' was clearly meant only for 30 seconds of shock value.

    In order for death to be meaningful as a dramatic concept it has to be used sparingly in order to retain its emotional impact.

  7. Sour Grapes.

    I wrote a long post responding, but it got lost in the ether and I'm not typing it again.

    Sufficed to say I disagree with all you said there sir.



  8. Chris come on, have some fun with this! lighten up! the whole thing is supposed to be this fun wild ride full of crazyness, melodrama, and saving the universe. again. :)

    Scott - and now I'm waiting for the Doctor to meet a young River Song who doesn't know who he is. He will of course tell her how important he is, and that soon he'll be the most important man in her life, and suggest she better keep a diary of all their times together. . . because he knows in his future he'll need her diary knowledge.

  9. @redhead. Indeed, that will make for a great episode as she said in THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT he met her when she was only a little girl. That's going to be hugely interesting.

  10. I am going to go out on a limb and say that Riversong and the child in Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon are one and the same. And I think she/they are the child of Amy and possibly the TARDIS (because,and I could be wrong here but Rory is a "construct", and not really human)

  11. I believe this theory as well. Totally didn't catch the line at the beginning of the Impossible Astronaut, though. -waits eagerly for the reveal-

  12. WOW... your theories are almost verbatim what I posted on the Doctor Who fan page on Facebook. Except the squareness gun and the part about the Doctor's Wife. River is SO the TARDIS.

  13. The only water in the forest is the river... reference to forest of the dead.

  14. when the tardis said "The only water in the forest is the river" state it like "the only water in the forest is the River" So that means River song and where did the doctor first meet River Song? In a libary, What was the alien there the Vashtah Nerada. and the libary is made of books, books are made of trees, vashtah nerada breed on trees. just think it through and u'll get it

  15. And if River Song is the Tardis then her consciousness or soul matrix is still alive or saved in the library computer where they first met, and can be up loaded again one day.

  16. my theory is tht riversong is amys daughter and she is also tht little girl who we first saw in one of the silence episodes. she killed the "best man she ever knew". the doctor got killed in the first episode of series 6. tht girl was in the spacesuit, she regenerated. She is amys daughter i think. Amy's daughter is a time lady. Riversong is a time lady

  17. But why would Amy's daughter be a time lady? Not for the sole fact that she traveled in the TARDIS surely? Otherwise wouldn't a bunch of previous companions kids' be time lords and ladies as well?

    I get the idea that River is her daughter, but what would make her be able to regenerate? I think if we go that route, we have to assume that the Silence made her with the Doctor's DNA or something like that. That River is actually a human Time Lord hybrid...but aren't we well aware that such a thing is not safe for a human when the Doctor/Donna's mind was going to burn?

  18. Beyond that, if River is part time lord and can regenerate....why wouldn't she do so in the FOREST OF THE DEAD when she sacrificed herself so Ten and co. can live...if she can regenerate she didn't need the Doctor to save her to the library system right?

    No, I think River is something else...and probably mostly human...

  19. Anonymous, I removed your post because it was super spoilerific....and a large chunk of our readers won't have seen the ep yet.

    Thankfully I've seen it, so you didn't spoil it for me.

    Try to keep spoilers out of the comments section.

  20. Scott,

    In the Forest of the Dead, River made it very clear that the Doctor would have died if she didn't take his place: "You'll burn up both your hearts and don't think you'll regenerate" and "You wouldn't have a chance and neither do I!". We know the Doctor can regenerate and she knew that wouldn't work there, so I doubt it'd work for any time lord.

    So her sacrifice doesn't preclude the possibility of her being a time lady. However, I'm not at all convinced she is one. If she was a time lady, she'd presumably have to be related to the Doctor in some way, what with the 11th Doctor being the last remaining from the Great Time War. Consider the kiss at the end of "The Day of the Moon" with that and it just doesn't seem to fit at all.

    Well I'm going to watch "A Good Man Goes to War" now. I'm sure that will have a few more clues if not a few answers.

  21. Some good points VicVanGo! Indeed, some things i hadn't thought about.

  22. SPOILER ALERT!!!!!

    River Song is Amy and Rory's daughter, not the TARDIS, however much I wish that was true.

  23. ok now im really confused!
    i have just been on the bbc doctor who website and watched the trailer for the next half and it showed river with the eye patch that amy's midwife wore so confused!

  24. ok have just watched it again and realize there a strange viking dude with a eye patch as well as river and amys midwife

  25. I have a theory
    In silence in the library, she didn't really die, her soul was stored in the library database, what if somehow her soul ended up in a TARDIS, which afterwards "stole" the doctor?

    Anything can happen with Moffat as the writer

  26. Ok, lets get this straight.
    1) yes, river us the doctors wife but NOT the TARDIS. Cool as that would be
    2) Right about her being any and rorys daughter
    3) She wears the eyepatch because she doesnt want to forget the silence. Rory, any amd even the doctor all wear these in the final episode of series 6

  27. I believe that River Song is the child of Amy, Rory, and the TARDIS, a conception engineered by the TARDIS. At the end of The Doctor's Wife, the TARDIS confesses to loving the Doctor, remembers the word "alive" sadly, and longed to say "Hello". River, born human with Timelord (TARDIS?) DNA, is the Doctor's wife.

  28. "There is also the other theory that River is Amy’s future daughter (Amy has preggers stomach pains in THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT and River seems to have phantom sympathy pains) But that one is an even wilder speculation than my above nonsense."

  29. Two years later I just figured this out for myself, even AFTER all the reveals since then. Somehow River Song will survive throughout time (not impossible after being linked into the library) to be the consciousness that is part of the Tardis. I'm sure we will figure out how later.



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