A Comic Publisher's Form Letter

Dear (INSERT NAME OF ANGRY FAN HERE)

Thank you for your letter. We here at (INSERT NAME OF COMIC COMPANY HERE) want to thank you for taking the time to write to us. I just wanted to personally let you know that your concerns about (INSERT TITLE OF COMIC BOOK HERE) have been taken very seriously. We hear you when you say that (WRITERS\ARTISTS\NEW COSTUMES\OLD COSTUMES\FONT CHOICE\GLOSSY PAPER\SILVER AGE ENTITLEMENT\CONTINUITY GAFFES\VARIANT COVERS) are important to you. Believe me; they’re important to us too.

Without important feedback like yours we’d have no idea about the multitude of things we’re doing wrong. It’s your keen eye and literary aptitude that helps keep us on track when we’re (SWIMMING IN OUR MONEY PIT\DEFILING YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES\RITUALLY SLAUGHTERING UNICORNS\PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH THE SUPPORTING CAST). Please be assured that we have unleashed an army of unfed and unpaid interns to look into the matter and report back to us at their first available opportunity. You can sleep easy knowing that we won’t rest until we have completely addressed your problem by making additional changes to the characters you know and love until they are completely unrecognizable. It’s the unwavering support of fans like you that makes (INSERT NAME OF COMIC COMPANY HERE) one of the biggest names in the comic book industry.

Thank you and don’t forget to check our new (CROSSOVER\SPIN OFF\ADDITIONAL TITLE\TEAM BOOK\MEGA\ULTRA\ULTIMATE\SUPREME\ENDLESS) event hitting shelves this summer.


Sincerely,
Money McBaggsington, Esquire III
Publisher
(INSERT COMIC COMPANY NAME HERE)

See also, Every forum conversation about every publishing decision DC ever made...